Rated:
XXX
Category:
Interracial
Ships: Check Inventory
Run Time:
81 mins
Studio:
Heatwave Video
Released:
1999,
HTW
Stock #:
46307D1
Format:
DVD
Number of Discs:
1
List Price: $19.95
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Homey in the Haystack DVD Movie Blog
Homey in the Haystack DVD Description: "Byron Long is your typical inner city hustler who gets himself in a jam over a drug deal gone south, and who is then sent to into hiding by FBI agent Johnny Thrust. The only place they can come up for him to hide is in the Pennsylvania Dutch country with patriarch Dave Hardman and his all-female family. As long-lost Cousin Jebediah, Long manages to ingratiate himself with the horny Amish women folk, and aside from some absolutely hilarious scenes — not least among these the sausage and wiener dinner which is simply chock full of double entendres and erotic puns and any scene in which Dave Hardman shows up in his Amish beard and black suit — the sex is nothing short of incendiary. Especially hot is when cute little Zoe May catches a blistering dp, courtesy of big Byron and Jay Ashley. Also hot is Candy Vegas' rough and ready anal with the formidable Mr. Long. “A bit of scripted and costumed asurdism in the midst of the industry's current obsession with all things gonzo,” — AVN."
Posted By Virginia Beaver, www.excaliburfilms.com 9/28/06 9:15 AM
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| Roger's Rating: | |  |
There are some things you see in porn that make you laugh even before you have time to wonder if they are politically correct. The sight of Byron Long, Dave Hardman and Zoe all done up in Amish outfits is enough to keep me grinning all day. Now, I realize that not everyone will see the humor in the obvious jokes to come, however, people that sensitive probably shouldn´t be watching a movie like this. Byron Long plays the out of place brother stuck in the land of the long beard and funny hats, but first we actually have some plot to get through explaining how he got there.
We open with smooth talker Tyce Bune convincing his pretty girl Delia that they really need to spend a night in. Byron pops by to pick up a package from Tyce and takes off just in time for Delia to get her lips around Tyce´s hard cock. He has her swing around into a 69 for a taste, but also to give him something to focus on while this little hottie tries to suck his spleen out through the tip of his cock. I´m not sure what sort of ethnic mix is at work with Delia, but whatever she is, she´s one volcanic fuck. While Tyce is fucking her, she actually pulls her feet all the way back onto the bed. You have to love that sort of flexibility. Ending this stunning fuck is a very nice facial that ends with Delia licking up every last drop of cum she can.
When the police come in and nail Tyce, he vows to make sure Byron doesn´t live to testify against him. Not even the cops can protect Byron, so they ship him off to some place safe. Where will he be beyond the long arm of Tyce? Why in Amish country of course.
Dave Hardman plays the family father, looking after his wife, Candy Vegas and two daughters, Regan Star and Zoe. When he receives a letter about a cousin coming to visit, they are all unprepared for what comes walking up the path. The opportunity for hilarious dialog is all around and really comes into play as they all sit around the dinner table. Regan and Zoe take special care when eating their giant sausages to extract as much innuendo as humanly possible. Borrowing a little from the mainstream film, ´Witness´ things continue with a hard work montage that shows Byron doing his best to fit in.
After a hard afternoon in the fields, Byron takes a break when Regan brings him some ice cold lemonade. She hangs around long enough to sneak a peek while he´s draining the willie in the bushes. At the end of the day, Regan visits him in the barn. You see, she has a question about the size of his ´wiener.´ After a bit of convincing, he finally takes it out and Regan´s eyes go totally wide for a second before she pops it right into her mouth. She´s a rather delicate looking young woman, but she crams as much of that monster into her mouth as possible. If you ever fantasized about an Amish girl giving head, here´s your chance to watch one to that and then some. His cock looks like it might split her right in half, but she manages to take it until his balls are slapping against her asshole. Taking it from behind, it looks like his dick must be smacking her in mid-spine. (Hey, are Amish chicks allowed to wear finger nail polish?) Silly, though sexy set up aside, this is a pretty good looking interracial scene for guys who like to see petite white chicks split in half by big black dicks. In the end, Regan gets a good taste of black seed when he fires into her mouth. For an innocent farm girl, she catches on fast.
The next day, Zoe´s suitor, Jay Ashley comes by asking Byron for a bit of advice on women. A more interesting request comes later from young Zoe. She is a virgin and wants to know what to expect. He eventually agrees to show her what to do in order to make her beau a happy man. (Add implants, G Strings, navel piercing, and base make up to the things good Amish girls can have.) His cock looks huge in her mouth, but Zoe drops the shy girl act and takes most of it down her throat pretty nicely. When Ashley comes around and finds his girl with a big cock in her mouth, he is confused but eager to see what she has learned. Going back and forth between the cocks, Zoe gets them ready to take her cherry. She rides Jay with her pussy for a while and even lets him stick it in her ass. As if anal Amish girls weren´t rare enough, Byron comes in and starts stuffing her pussy for a hot interracial DP. Having learned her lessons fully, Zoe takes two loads of cream on her smiling face.
Mila plays a Government agent sent in to get Byron back into town to testify. He runs in to gather his stuff and is sidetracked by the mother of the family, Candy Vegas. She is not nearly as cute as her two daughters, but she is in need of some big pole action. While she sucks, Hardman comes home and predictably is not upset, but feeds his own cock to his randy woman. Candy is more than able to take all of him up her tattooed pussy. Unlike the previous scenes, the only thing good here is the novelty. Candy just isn´t much to look at. If you like bit assed older white women taking all of Byron up their asses, then you´ll get a thrill. I just prefer the younger, prettier Amish sluts.
Outside Mila has decided that some Amish dick is just what she needs to put out her fires. Does anyone play a total slut better than Mila? She just can´t seem to get enough cock, swallowing each one and really giving us some great sexual heat. I know I´ve not always been kind to some of the stuff Mila pulls on screen, but here she is wonderfully foul mouthed and totally fucking hot. They all slam fuck her tiny asshole and work around into another DP. Great facials close out on of my favorite Mila scenes ever.
The story seems to fall apart here at the end as we move to a scene between Dave and Candy. He seems to be having erection problems and needs to prove he´s still a man by fucking his wife in the ass over the kitchen table. It´s a short scene and not all that hot, so I don´t know what it was doing here.
I really like the first two thirds of this movie. It was clever and at times really funny. Regan and Zoe are perfect as the doe eyed Amish girls at first awed then in love with Byron´s penile python. He mugs his way through his lines with a sly grin and handles his sexual duties with ease. I haven´t seen a better Mila scene in a long time, and all the sex is very well shot. Right around the time the story unravels, the sound goes out of sync. Other than this glitch, the picture and sound quite solid. With Candy Vegas taking over the sexual action and the story leaving us hanging, the end of the movie is a bit of a let down. Still, this is a funny movie with great raincoater sex.
Copyright © Roger T. Pipe |
Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM
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